A Little Louder Please

Well a friend of mine told me about "Community Supported Agriculture" where you buy a share of the crops from a local farm and once a week get a box of produce. I thought it sounded interesting and was thinking about it but not entirely sure. Our local newspaper did a write-up about it last weekend and in the blink of an eye all of the shares were sold. Of course at that point I REALLY wanted to participate and was kicking myself for not signing up before the newspaper publicity. I sent an email to the headquarters to have my name put on a waiting list and there was an immediate reply back that they had opened up a few more spots for shares. So I did not hesitate and am no basking in the relief that I didn't miss out. At the same time I'm realizing what a great way to market something. Dangle it in front of the consumer, snatch it away and then offer it again. It sure worked on me.

Most of the produce is organic and the list of fruits and vegetables they offer is over 100 items long. The delivery starts in May and continues through November. The cost is $20 a week. I don't know how much I typically spend per week but $20 sounded reasonable for a share that's suppose to be good for 4 adults. We'll see how things go. Meanwhile the fruit and not trees my husband planted are doing well but they are immature. Hopefully the grape vines we planted will grow well and produce. And... we should have strawberries any day now. Okay enough about food...

I survived a ten day stretch of single parenthood again. Both kids had mild cases of flu and were awfully cranky but not overly sick fortunately. Taran was especially sleepy and not eating much the following week which puzzled me. Two days ago he complained that he couldn't wiggle his toes in his shoes or his pajamas (with feet). Sure enough his feet had grown. I measured his height and he had grown over half an inch and one full shoe size in less than two weeks. Yes growth spurts apparently can really be spurts.

Tovi is hilarious. She is going to be a major handful as she gets older. She is a cheerful bubbly babbling delight 95% of the time. The other 5%... sad or mad drama big time! With Taran we pretty much sat back and watched him behavior wise until he was two. Really he was so mellow and it was never a problem to give him what he wanted as long as it wasn't dangerous or destructive. Tovi we are working on restraint already because she wants to do and get into everything and frequently we can't let her. Rather than have her throw fits we are talking with her and "explaining" things to her and believe it or not it's working.

I'm frustrated with budget hold-ups at work so I'm pursuing my second career of investing. Mostly I'm just watching things and playing around with numbers of how much $ I feel comfortable starting with and realistically what yield I think I might expect. It would be stupid if I can't do better than CDs or Money Market and not much better if I can't beat a standard index fund. Connor is very bored when I talk about it. So...

In other news somebody has been using my AMEX card for Comcast on demand. I reported it and ordered a new card (new number). I didn't receive it so I called and it had been sent to my "alternate address". MY WHAT!? I have never given an alternate address so WHAT THE F**K! Fortunately the new card had not been activated. AMEX would not tell me what the other address was so I don't know what the connection is. Apparently it's in the same city I'm in but that's the only information I have. I'm annoyed but I'll check back in a week or so and see what information they will give me. Meanwhile I received a new card rush delivery to my correct address.

Lastly, I have started swimming laps again and love it. I will never win any races but I appreciate the workout I get from swimming and it's way kinder on my knees than other workouts. Okay I'm boring myself terribly with this entry. Sorry. I'll think of something more interesting in my next post.

If you have ever lived in the "west" than you know the bane of tumbleweeds. They grow like crazy on any patch of dirt available. They grow fast, big and are covered with thorny things. Well I created a huge pile of them in my backyard and I either have to burn them or if we have a nice bout of wind they will blow out of my yard on their own. If it sounds like I'm a rude neighbor I should add the tumble weeds aren't really just blowing into someone elses yard but rather blow through the ranchland or to the river.

Taran had his swim lesson and afterward we split a happy meal at McDonalds. With apple dippers it's okay nutrition wise but I wish Taran didn't relish it so much more than what I fix him at home. Oh well.

Taran is a bit down with a runny nose and cough but more than that he is missing daddy. I made the mistake of mentioning daddy on the drive home and he started acting up. It's funny that I figured it would be easier on him as he got more mature but that's not the case. Being able to explain things to him helps on some levels but on others he's less flexible than he used to be.

Both kids are sleeping soundly and I chatted on the phone with Connor for half a hour and now I guess I will ignore any tidying I might be tempted to do and just go to sleep.

***hmmmm I didn't realize I can't say afterwards but rather I must say afterward with no s. Sigh an English major I am not.

Well both kids are asleep before 9 pm even with daylights saving so I am calling this first night a victory. Taran fell asleep asking what fun things we would do when daddy comes home. That will be a nice message to pass along to Connor. Tovi had one brief almost holding breath incident but I blew on her face to snap her out of it. I hope these "spells" are not going to be common. I can manage them but I don't want them. Mostly she was her typical happy as can be self.

It was a beautiful day and we had lots of playing time outside. I put together a bike for Taran and he rode it happily for awhile before abandoning it for digging in the dirt. I have to laugh at my first attempt at adjusting the training wheels. I put them on "perfectly such that the back wheel barely touched the ground. Taran was pedaling like crazy and getting now where. I fixed it so the back wheel made full contact with the ground.

I'm regretting not keeping a baby book for Taran because I'm remembering things after the fact that would be helpful. Taran took forever to teeth but after the first cut the next 5 came in all at once. Tovi is experiencing the same thing and I feel like a dope for sparingly putting a dab of teething gel on one spot an now I'm seeing whole sections of her gums with tiny new teeth poking out. Sorry little girl. No wonder she's been cranky.

I'm going to go to sleep before I get too distracted. Last night I was researching Mensa for some reason. I've never had an IQ test before and I don't expect that I would be in the top 2% but who knows. The closest to an IQ test for me was probably the logic test of the GRE which I did well on. I was not jumping for joy at my scores when I took it but I nearly aced the logic section and I remember my undergraduate adviser saying he considered that representative of a person's IQ. He was certainly eligible for Mensa so maybe I should let my mind be happy with that. I was talking with Connor about IQ and what people use as gages for it. I'm super lazy when it comes to vocabulary so any tests that factors that to any degree I take a hit. Connor on the other hand is very into detail and thus the absolute appropriate word for every occasion so he does very well in that area. Anyway... I'm comfortable with my level of inteligence and hope to nuture my intellect but I don't need to be a genius. Alright to be on this misc. note.

Tonight my daughter got so mad she stopped breathing, her lips turned blue and she passed out. Fortunately I was holding her so she's fine but Good Grief!

Tovi was running around the house with a small gerkin pickle in her mouth that Connor had given her. I was concerned about her choking on it and was following her watching for an opportunity to retrieve it. She then popped the whole thing in her mouth and went running across the room and fell. Thankfully she didn't choke but I immediately asked her to spit it out. She did (into my hand) but I think she thought I'd give it right back and when I didn't... she was pissed. I should add we were 10 minutes from bedtime. There were some angry sounds and then Tovi ran back towards the kitchen prepared to scream bloody murder for all she was worth. Her mouth was open and her face was so upset but there was no sound. I picked her up and was talking to her to sooth her when I saw Connor's face go white. I looked at Tovi and her lips were blue and her eyes were glazing over. She went limp in my arms but recovered within 5-10 seconds. She then snuggled into my arms and was pretty still. Connor wanted to hold her and when I handed her to him she squirmed, fussed and then started to cry. I calmed her and then did our normal bedtime routine and she's now asleep.

Holding Breath Spell! Supposedly they peak at 24 months and disappear by five years. 13 months seemed young to me but between 12 and 18 months is when most children start doing it. I'm a big fan of Dr. Greene and his words of wisdom but found Dr. Spocks perspective right on:

"Some babies get so furiously angry when they are frustrated that they cry and then hold their breath and turn blue. When this first happens, it's bound to scare the wits out of the parents. It seldom means anything except that the baby has that kind of temperament. It's often a baby who's unusually happy at other times who has breath-holding spells."

That last bit is Tovi. She's the sweetest little delight, smiling and babbling happily at everything, loves everyone BUT when's she's upset look out. So the spells may end at five but I've got a fun handful way beyond that I'm sure. Worth it, the happy and furious times, I say.

Connor will be gone again for a stretch, back for Easter, gone for stretch, back, gone for another stretch. Argh! I'm not at all pleased with this schedule. It might very well stomp out my last attempts at ever getting any momentum going with my own career. It may be time to start pondering new ideas for what I want to do. I've been toying with the idea of playing around with investing. The economy sucks right now but when I've tried I've had pretty good luck at making some good calls. I'm curious what I might be able to generate if I put some serious effort to it. I'd never risk much of our assets though so it's not like I'd ever bring in obscene amounts of money but if I could squeeze out enough for minor home projects and family trips that would be groovy.

I'm pretty cautious when it comes to money. I'm not much of a gambler either in part because I'm fearful of getting caught in the 'just one more bet' trap. I've only been to Vegas once and happily came up with a system to play the nickel and quarter slots well enough to pay for my trip. I basically learned the machines near the entrances had a higher payout (so anyone walking by is more likely to see players winning) and I learned how to play each machine so that at any sitting I played until I broke even or came out ahead. I never won much at any given machine but the winnings added up pretty quickly.

Anyway so I'd have to come up with a similar plan for playing the market so I don't risk losing much if I have no knack for it as regular thing. I should add my husband is not thrilled about my interest in all this. He feels pretty strongly about not making money for money's sake. I do understand that and want to keep that in mind. I'm considering giving a percentage of any money I make to charity and also being conscientious of what companies I invest in. It's all just a loose idea right now.

First thing I'll say is I'm glad it's over with. At least I don't have any stories of having to interview my child for an exclusive program with a five year (ha ha) waiting list. I enrolled Taran this past fall in a preschool coop and I've been very happy with it. It's moderately popular and so it's tricky getting the classes you want. The program director decided on a first-come-first-serve basis so that meant my husband (bless him) was at the registration office this morning at 5 am to stand in line. We were number 7 for a class with 20 spots so we are in. Next fall we have MWF preK from 9-11:30 am.

I have been pretty impressed with the school and Taran's classmates for the most part. One thing I appreciate is that there is equal emphasis on correcting bad behavior and teaching kids how to respond to bad behavior directed at them (bullying). Because Taran's on the small size I was relieved that he can handle himself okay around the more physically aggressive kids in the class.

The academics in the class are not so impressive but honestly I've enrolled Taran in the class to play and socialize so that's okay. We've been teaching Taran some math, writing and reading at home but I haven't been pushing it much. He's interested but only if it's "fun" and I can manage to do that in 10-20 minute windows.

Well I'm exhausted so I'll post more later... good night

Tovi had her one year check-up on Thursday (her birthday) and there were no signs of any teeth. Just tonight I finally saw evidence of one tiny tooth thinking about making an appearance. Yay, so there is a reason why Tovi has been waking up 5-10 times a night and maybe a hope that she will let me sleep again sometime soon. I like sleeping. I miss sleeping.

I only have a moment while Tovi is asleep and her dad and brother are out shopping. The laundry and Christmas cards (yes they still aren't sent) can wait. The holidays were pretty exhausting. I loved traveling and seeing my family but I will be relieved when my kids are a wee bit older and I can let them fend for themselves more.

So it's 2008 and I really don't know what to expect. I have a new boss at work that I haven't met yet. I'm going to try to meet with him this week. My previous boss was cool about my work plan but I don't know how this one feels. I've been off/below the radar so far but I'm about plant myself right in front of it now I suspect. That's fine. I have some solid ideas about papers I want to write and I know this boss is keen on everyone publishing more.

My marathon goal is still with me. Connor mentioned one of his goals was to do whatever to support my efforts. Just hearing him say that was a boost. It will be challenging finding the time but I want to. I have to start exploring our tentative plan to do a family stay in Chile. I'd still like to do a month but that's going to take some serious planning. Where to start...

While I don't think I'll blog much about the upcoming election I am gearing up to be more politically active this time around. I am optimistic about the outcome and will try not to grumble about whether mindless morons should have the right to vote. Sorry.

Post on a regular basis. I'm getting complaints about my photo blog now too. I will try to be better. It's been typically crazy. I had a single parent stretch of ten days preceded by weeks of colds and now Tovi is recovering from a mild ear infection. I have stacks of Christmas cards to sign let alone write any meaningful message in and I'm not sure if I am done with Christmas shopping. I just did a manic online purchase binge for some family members that I always struggle to come up with ideas for. My fall backs are Harry and David fruit, Chuckar Cherry baskets, Fair trade Divine Chocolate, and Fungi Perfecti mushroom kits. The last one is a favorite... ever grow your own mushrooms in a dark warm corner of your house?

Anyway time to feed the baby, bathe the baby, put the baby to sleep, and then do the same for the toddler when he returns from a pizza outing with Connor. The rest of the evening I will be running around inefficiently cleaning and packing at the same time. Off to the in-laws tomorrow and Michigan on Wednesday.

I do really like Ebay. Maybe I'm looking for excuses to use it but I've grown to hate shopping in stores/malls. I don't really need to buy much with the exception of clothes for my kids. So... I've spent the last two weeks searching for summer clothes for both Taran and Tovi. It's been fun. I'm pretty good at finding what I want (or if I'm honest what I didn't know I wanted until I saw it and then wanted it) and winning it at great deals. In my book it sure beats driving somewhere, dragging my kids around, pouring through racks of clothes, and paying more than I want. Taran went through a phase where he was very picky about what he would wear. It was a nightmare at times. He had only two pairs of corduroy pants, and two tie-dye shirts that he willing to wear from age 22-28 months. Anything else I often had to dress him kicking and squawking. Now he has preferences but only expresses them if I ask him to pick his own clothes out. I can put on him what I want. Tovi is the same way except she often hates to be dressed period. She doesn't squawk she SCREAMS bloody murder. As soon as I have her dressed and release her she is happy and goes back to playing and all is well. Drama! It's amusing. Anyway... so I'm getting package after package and I feel content that I'm ready for spring and summer now. Too bad it's not even December yet huh? Oh well...

My father-in-law had been terminally ill for a couple of years and died early tuesday. It's sad for Connor but also a comfort that his father isn't suffering. Monday evening Connor's sister called to say that his vitals were poor and it would be very soon. Connor drove 4 hours in our first winter storm to be with him. He arrived just after midnight and his dad took his last breath around 4 am. Connor and his brother Sean were there together holding vigil. They both felt compelled to focus on their dad's breathing, waiting for his last breath, however, it was at a moment when they weren't paying attention that it happened. They were actually laughing and watching some video of my daughter Tovi on our digital camera at the time. I like to think that their laughter and normal chatter was what he heard and it let him let go peacefully.

My relationship with my father-in-law was most of the time kind of vague. When I met him he was very warm and welcoming. For several years after that things were a bit odd and strained though. I wasn't sure if I was reading things wrong but I often felt like he was playing mind games with me or trying to startle a reaction out of me with comments. I absolutely am not okay with that and so I did the cordial blank stare no reaction back at him anytime it seemed his behavior was going that way. It wasn't fun and certainly not a way to have any healthy connection. It wasn't until his health began failing that things changed. Some of the health issues were related to memory and I think it softened him to forget some of the past. He became very complimentary of me as a wife and mother and often asked how my family was doing. I wish it could have felt simple and comfortable to me then but it was really very confusing. It was much easier to focus on caring about him as my husband's father and my children's grandfather than to try to sort out my own feelings.

It's too soon to know if I will feel regrets... I would hug him and chat warmly when we would visit but I never felt close to him. I am glad he had his family around him so much near the end and two devoted sons at the very end.

Well October 1st was suppose to be my "kick it in gear" start for my marathon training. The morning of October 1st I kicked my toe into the door of a closet. I don't know if I broke it but I've been letting it heal and I'm just now feeling ready to test it out with a run. October was also going to be the month I returned to a regular work schedule of 10 hours a week and... budget problems have erased the funds for the project I was going to work on. So... want to make God laugh? Tell God your plans!

Well I am typically not a competitive parent but I can easily get sucked into it sometimes unfortunately. It was all pretty silly.

My sister-in-law has a daughter that is just a week younger than Tovi. The girls typically have been reaching "milestones" around the same time and my SIL and I were both eagerly awaiting crawling. Both had been so close for weeks it seemed and then finally they both figured it out. I was pretty pleased and enjoying it and then my SIL sent one of her typical emails that I realize is probably intended to be proud-parent but tends to be a bit over-the-top embellished boasting. I kind of fell for it though and felt a little like oh Tovi's not doing "that" yet. Well we had a family gathering this past weekend and apparently her daughter is not doing "that" yet either. I don't know why my SIL lies/embellishes but I did let it effect me and I need to watch it. Enjoy the milestones and be proud of your kids progress at their own pace Donna! The family gathering was a lot of fun and it was cute to have the girls together.

A neighbor friend called me today to let me know another neighbor passed away this monday after a 9 year battle with cancer. I'd only known her for five of it. She fought pretty hard and during the good times you'd never know there was a battle going on in her body. I first met her when her character of a dog Pepper (a big strong box) charged me one morning while I was weeding in my yard. I froze in place and meekly squeaked "hi there dog" when the dog bounded up and licked me on the face, circled me twice and ran off. Molly came walking by a minute later leash in hand and smiled, waved and asked me if I met Pepper. Yes. I joined her on many walks, sometimes with her husband Pat and once with her daughter and grandson. I walked with her while pregnant, with an infant Taran, with a toddler Taran, pregnant with Tovi and pushing Taran on his trike, pushing taran on his trike with Tovi in the baby carrier... so we really blended our families together if only by chance meetings on days we were both out walking. Death leaves me feeling empty and so aware of what was there that is now missing. Not superbly eloquent or deep but what I'm feeling.

I was talking to my sister and she asked my opinion about kids skipping grades. I didn't really have one. It turns out my niece tested 7th grade reading and 5th grade Math and her charter school wants to promote her from 1st to 3rd grade. My sister and her husband were completely caught off guard and not sure what to do. They kind of want to let my niece decide but she's only six. I don't know what to think. She's a bit precocious but emotionally she's a normal six year old. I'm not sure how it would work to have her in a classroom of 8 year olds. Hmmmm. I suggested my niece spend a week or two in the 3rd grade class and see how that goes. If the interactions are good and she feels comfortable then why not.

Apparently a herd of 20 Elk invaded a nearby cornfield and all night for the last six weeks we've been hearing the KABOOM of propane air canons firing several times a minute as an attempt to scare them away. It was annoying the first week or two but I eventually got moderately used to it. Many of my neighbors are not so relaxed, bordering on irate, and have called anyone and everyone involved to complain. The funny thing is I found out today that the Elk hung out in the center of the field, munching on the corn and ignoring the canons the entire six weeks. Good grief. Oh well it gave me something to post about.

I don't really want a cell phone. The only reason I finally caved and subscribed was I couldn't argue against the benefits of urgent/emergency uses when you have kids. So originally I had the cheapest plan I could find which was like $9.95 and super restrictive. It suited me just fine and 99% of the calls were between Connor and I. So now suddenly I have a different phone plan with anytime minutes and weekend/evening minutes. I don't want to give out the number and have people call me anytime anywhere on that line. We have a land line and email. That's enough. Connor it seems wants to give the cell number out. I'm fighting it. Really I will have the phone 99% of the time so I can always not answer or keep it turned off whenever I don't want to hear it ring but... the principle of the thing is it's not necessary in my view to be reached when I'm out of the house. Most things can wait. So... we'll see. I'm not sure this a battle I feel strongly enough to fight though. Call me backwards, old fashion but I just don't want to get sucked into the cell phone world.

http://blog.mlive.com/annarbornews/2007/09/shaky_jake.html

I know it's been a few weeks now but I'm still thinking about him. He was such a part of Ann Arbor for me, he was there as long as I can remember. I've read quite a few people's personal stories about their experiences and encounters with him and remembering my own. Mostly he made me smile and I would unconsciously just stop to watch him walk by whenever I saw him. It was like he had a magical charm for me. He was different just one of a kind for real...

I don't often feel such sadness for the passing of time but I am feeling it for the end of an era of my young Ann Arbor experience. So much has changed and I'm getting older... sigh where is this journal entry going?

Glad he had such a full life and so many people appreciated his uniqueness. I wish I could find more of what he was in the world. I'm glad that I do find it when I look. Hmmm I'm sleepy and not sure I'm making any sense. Thinking of you Shakey Jake!