A Little Louder Please

Moving?

2009-05-23T06:26:07Z

Most of my life I've been insanely restless. I've had to fight the want to do something different, want to be somewhere else itch almost forever. I think marriage and motherhood have tamed me and I appreciate what I have and where I am but...

The recent mention by my husband of an opportunity to move cross country has got my mind whirling. Because it involves a job change and all the instability uncertainty associated with that I am not fully able to embrace the thought of leaving what we have here. The thought of new experiences, a new city, being closer to my family is exciting though.

It's really great where we are. I love the pace of life, family atmosphere, easy cost of living, security, safety. I can see raising my kids here and staying until they are in college. But often I'm all too aware that something is missing. I can't put my finger on it but it's like I'm not where I'm suppose to be. Maybe it's also that moving would be just the right change to shake things up and wake me up out of the comfortable slumber I've been in. Speaking of slumber I'm really tired. I guess I'll call it a night. Goodnight.

Facebook Impressions.

2009-03-16T06:05:04Z

I am amazed how many people I know are on there and I love the wall. I intended to keep my friends exclusively high school contacts but my nieces and nephews found me pretty quick and I'm glad they would want to friend me.

I searched around for some various people from my past and that was interesting. I sadly am not friends with any ex's. I'd describe most of my relationships as crazy whirlwind romances, great while they lasted but with no chance of a future. Interestingly enough I can find most of these guys on line. There are 2 ex's I'd say were different and thankfully they aren't on facebook so there's no pondering should I... It would be too weird.

aprimadonna @ 2009-03-08T08:47:00

2009-03-08T15:55:50Z

I've been wanting to post for awhile but sleep and netflix have been winning most of the battles for my free time. Tovi is asleep and Taran and Connor are playing outside so I finally have a reasonably good moment. What is new?

We just wrapped up the age 4-5 indoor soccer season. I agreed to be assistant coach number II for Taran's team and it was a great experience. The kids on the team had such good attitudes and I was glad that they really seemed to find playing soccer fun. The only thing I didn't like was that some of the teams we played were all big 5 year old boys and the coaches pushed them to be overly aggressive I thought. I played soccer in high school and college and it is a physical game but it shouldn't be at this age. Also I think kids will be playing mostly non-coed sports once they start school so it's a shame to start doing the all boy or all girl thing now. I should add that while some of the teams are formed randomly others are put together by a coach with players he/she knows. I guess it just welcome to the world of kids and sports. One of the dads of a teammate is coaching a T-ball team next month so we are signed up (hmmmm won't it be interesting if it's an all boys team after what I said). I bought Taran his first glove and it felt monumental. I wish Connor had been along too but he has the honor of teaching Taran to catch with it.

Related to all of this is we now are 89% sure Taran is a lefty. He still switches a moderate amount but is mostly writing with his left. My mom and oldest brother are left-handed and Connor has at least two sibling that are but I didn't think one of our kids would be. I feel like it would be more convenient if he was right-handed in some ways but I plan to get over that. It's awkward at times helping him with writing and sports but I'm getting better.

WORK! I have been working 3-10 hours a week and it's been on average great. I am very interested in the project I'm working on and find it challenging and fun. Not what I expected. 3-10 hours is not much time at all though so I stress about being productive. One funny thing is Taran told me the other day he likes going into my office. I thought it all a good attitude about me returning to work until he added, "because of the candy". My office mate keeps a big bowl of leftover halloween candy on her desk.

Post or Sleep?

2008-12-14T06:24:00Z

I want to post but I'm pretty sleepy and I am afraid my post may be mighty weak tonight. Also my mouse is freaking out and every few minutes the cursor jumps somewhere random. Hmmmm

I am curious how things will go come January 5th... my first day of work and the introduction of Daddy holds the fort down two mornings a week. One thing that I'm expected is that Tovi will lessen her mommy preference once she gets used to relying on Dad for comfort. I've noticed whenever we have a vacation or a long weekend she goes to him more often. Taran interacts equally with us but is 99.9% a mama's boy.

I will be sharing a 3 person office which is going to be odd. If I was half time I'd have my own since I'm a Senior Research somethingorother but 10 hours means I'm squished in whereever there's room. Fortunately I know my office mates. Unfortunately one of them is a Pack Rat. I'm certain he is not thrilled that he will have to get rid of mountains of stuff to clear space for me. I honestly won't need more than room for my computer and a small file cabinet but I know I'll regret it if I communicate anything like that and it's best to lay claim to a third of the office. Experience tells me this. In the past I've been exceptionally considerate in these situations and it set some bizarre tone that makes things weird. I've learned it's better to give back what you don't need rather than turn it down at the onset. Anyway...

I'm going to be crazy missing Tovi when I'm at work at first. Taran's been attending preschool for awhile so I'm used to his absence but I miss him as well from time to time. I suspect I will appreciate the break from parenting. My work will not be so glamorous for awhile but I should be able to sort out a paper or two from it and grow the position to something more interesting.

...and I am growing sleepy so buenas noches

Goldfish that is ALWAYS hungry

2008-11-24T16:08:32Z

Last spring Connor bought Taran a small cylinder tank and six tiny "feeder" goldfish. After about two week we were down to one survivor. Goldie (original name huh!) is a beautiful healthy 20X her (Connor decided it was female) purchased size monster. The crazy fish is ALWAYS hungry. The only feeding instructions I have is to feed the fish several times a day and that it should be able to eat all the food you give it per feeding in 3 minutes. Well this fish gobbles the food as fast as it hits the water and never seems full. Anytime I pass the tank she frantically swims to the top expecting a meal. I have even bought the food pellets that are designed to last for awhile and she picks at them until they are gone. At night she does sleep some but often when I pass by in the dark I can hear this clink clink noise of her sucking rocks off the bottom of the tank to look for more food. For Christmas I'm going to give her a new tank and maybe try to find some live edible plants she can nibble on to keep her happy. We'll see.

I'm wondering if her five original companions starved because she ate more than her share..

Back to work... finally.

2008-11-24T05:33:00Z

Well it is official and I have a start date of January 5th. Originally I was not super enthused about going back to work because I was enjoying my time with the kids so much. I just worried about letting the opportunity for extra income in our household slide away. I was still iffy and then during a chat with my manager he mentioned if I wanted to come back the new policy as a part timer was I had to work on site, M-F, between the hrs of 7am-7pm. I thought that would be the end of it because I had always planned on working off hours from home but... my husband mentioned he thought we could make it work. I was stunned because usually he's pretty protective of his work time. So I will be going in to "the office" two half days a week.

Yeah Alaska!

2008-11-20T01:47:16Z

Okay it was a win by less than 4000 vote but I'm happy. Goodbye Stevens!

Alaska Senate Race

2008-11-13T05:25:47Z

I like the state of Alaska a lot and find the residents I've met from there friendly but how insane is it that half of them have voted for Ted Stevens. Okay so his crimes aren't exactly against humanity but do they care nothing about integrity let alone that even after such clear exposure that he accepted "gifts" and he received a guilty judgment in court that he still denies wrongdoing. I guess how surprised should I be given that Alaskans elected Sarah Palin governor.

So I'm also watching this all closely because my brother's wife had been on Mark Begich staff while he's been mayor of Anchorage and has been working tirelessly campaigning for the democratic party in Alaska.

I can't stop myself from spitting out one last bit of venom on how pathetic I think it is that so many people in Alaska are bought by the republican party by an annual handout of a couple thousand dollars.

The Failure of Climate Change Research.

2008-09-24T00:06:59Z

Okay I wish I could speak of this as a true insider but really I'm not. I'm kind of the small fish swimming in the puddles next to the big pond right now. However, I have worked in this field and followed what has been going on and have the following impression. The progress has been too bloody slow. Studying the problem is helpful but we're not giving any solids numbers that we can count on. Really there a lot we should be doing yesterday because the numbers (whatever they are) are not good. Okay I'd like to speak more on this later so enough waving my fist in the air and making broad statements. I'm going to go wake Taran up because otherwise he'll never fall asleep tonight.

A Rare Moment

2008-09-23T23:23:09Z

It is 3:30 pm both kids are napping. I've made dinner, there are no dirty dishes and the laundry pile, although huge, is hidden and forgotten. So I'm going to blog.

All is well and busy. Taran started preschool earlier this month. It's going quite well and his teacher, although nurturing, does not treat the kids like toddlers. She really expects a lot of them which I'm really appreciating.

Something that I'm strongly considering is having Taran wait a year to start Kindergarten. I would have said NO WAY if someone else had suggested it even 3 months ago but I've been observing the differences in maturity that even 6 months makes and feeling like it really can be a disadvantage to be on the younger end of the spectrum in a classroom setting. Taran is bright and articulate but I really can tell the difference between his emotional development and his playmates with the earlier birthdays. I don't have to make a decision now but I'm leaning towards waiting. I'm not that worried about holding him back academically because we're planning on sending him to the parochial school associated with our church. They cater to teaching each kid at their level and pace. How they do it I don't know yet but I've heard good reports about this practice from my parent friends. So.... we'll see.

Tovi is another story. Okay girls mature faster but my god sometimes she's 19M going on 5. She just learns how to do everything herself including potty training. She's sometimes hard to understand but rattles off sentence after sentence. Taran at this age was hardly even putting two words together.

I really wanted to make the most of the time Taran was at preschool and tackle chores, work and errands but I relented and signed Tovi up for music class and gymnastics instead. The music class is a bit disappointing because there's only 3 kids and Tovi is the oldest. The first day of gymnastics is tomorrow. I was pretty active with Taran and I want to give Tovi the same opportunities.

My kids are 30M apart. Sometimes I wish they were closer in age and other times not. Taran loves his sister but I wish he could be more of the "kind big brother" persona sometimes. I guess it will come with time and I'm trying everything I can to nuture it but it's not there yet. I don't know if either of my brothers were ever that to me though, come to think of it. My sister was though... hmmmm

Okay lots of rambling here...

I am returning to work in the next month or so. I will stick to 10hrs/week max and strictly telecommute. It will be boring work at first but hopefully I can build up some momentum and get into something more stimulating. Okay that brings to my next topic. I will start another post...

Silence

2008-08-05T05:14:17Z

I can't believe how silent I've been. I had intended to achieve momentum on my postings but oops. It's been an eventful summer. All is well. I'm a bit drained from MTWTh swim lessons for Taran. It's paid off though and he is quite the fish. It's scary sometimes to have him so comfortable swimming around in such deep water on his own. I don't take my eyes off him for a minute. Tovi loves the water too and will blow bubbles and put her face in so we are planning on starting her on lessons at 2. I didn't learn how to swim until I was 7 so it's odd in some ways to be pursuing this with my kids at such earlier ages but I enjoy the water and they are receptive so...

I have not managed to return to work and am on the fence about how I feel about it. Honestly I don't have time to work with my current schedule but... I still think about several projects I really want to tackle and can't let go of that. My manager has been great and said let him know my plans and he doesn't mind if continue my work hiatus.

I love my neighborhood but good grief I don't know how some freaks infiltrate it sometimes. Fortunately no problems nearby but around the block a ways there was a domestic dispute with the parties throwing "buckets of urine" at each other. Who stores buckets of urine in their house? The household has more problems including an elderly parent that attempted suicide with a shotgun in the driveway. At various times the utilities have been turned off so I'm guessing it's a matter of time before foreclosure occurs. Sooner rather than latter please. And further away a neighbor was arrested for statutory rape of a 12 year old patient (he's a chiropractor). The creep was a total predator and his victim was not the first. He used to cruise through our neighborhood in his hummer most evenings and it turns my stomach to think of him scouting out some of the nearby houses that have teenage girls. He unfortunately plead to lesser charges so he is out but at least he lost his license and his house is up for sale.

I had a heartbreaking experience with the loss of my sister-in-law. She died suddenly while we were visiting her and other family. Her health was poor but her heart failure was totally unexpected and shocking to us when she was fine all day long and then in the evening suddenly lost consciousness and never regained it. I miss her. She had it tough but gave so much of herself to my kids.

I visited Michigan for a whirlwind 4th of July vacation. It was great to spend some time with my family and especially to get the cousins altogether. I also had a reunion of my junior high gang. There were 8 of us that used to eat lunch together. 6 of the 8 of us met up for the weekend. The other two were home with newborns so that was an acceptable excuse. It's funny how to me we all look the same. I think we are all way more mellow in our later years.

Okay last bit before I go to bed. I reluctantly decided not to do the Chile trip this October. I REALLY wanted to go but it seemed a bit too much to take the kids for such an extended trip and not worth the plane fare to stay briefly. So... instead we are tagging along with Connor to Hawaii. He has a 10 day stay to do some work on the Big Island. We are going to visit some relatives on Maui and Oahu the week before and then I'll entertain the kids while he works the remaining time. It's insane how expensive travel is even with Connor's ticket and lodging covered and the mainland to island tickets free with miles. It just all adds up. It will be nice to see family and to be away for the last gasp of summer.]

Okay enough, now I'm going to read my Friends Pages.

Food by the box

2008-04-12T04:07:21Z

Well a friend of mine told me about "Community Supported Agriculture" where you buy a share of the crops from a local farm and once a week get a box of produce. I thought it sounded interesting and was thinking about it but not entirely sure. Our local newspaper did a write-up about it last weekend and in the blink of an eye all of the shares were sold. Of course at that point I REALLY wanted to participate and was kicking myself for not signing up before the newspaper publicity. I sent an email to the headquarters to have my name put on a waiting list and there was an immediate reply back that they had opened up a few more spots for shares. So I did not hesitate and am no basking in the relief that I didn't miss out. At the same time I'm realizing what a great way to market something. Dangle it in front of the consumer, snatch it away and then offer it again. It sure worked on me.

Most of the produce is organic and the list of fruits and vegetables they offer is over 100 items long. The delivery starts in May and continues through November. The cost is $20 a week. I don't know how much I typically spend per week but $20 sounded reasonable for a share that's suppose to be good for 4 adults. We'll see how things go. Meanwhile the fruit and not trees my husband planted are doing well but they are immature. Hopefully the grape vines we planted will grow well and produce. And... we should have strawberries any day now. Okay enough about food...

What's new?

2008-04-07T04:33:30Z

I survived a ten day stretch of single parenthood again. Both kids had mild cases of flu and were awfully cranky but not overly sick fortunately. Taran was especially sleepy and not eating much the following week which puzzled me. Two days ago he complained that he couldn't wiggle his toes in his shoes or his pajamas (with feet). Sure enough his feet had grown. I measured his height and he had grown over half an inch and one full shoe size in less than two weeks. Yes growth spurts apparently can really be spurts.

Tovi is hilarious. She is going to be a major handful as she gets older. She is a cheerful bubbly babbling delight 95% of the time. The other 5%... sad or mad drama big time! With Taran we pretty much sat back and watched him behavior wise until he was two. Really he was so mellow and it was never a problem to give him what he wanted as long as it wasn't dangerous or destructive. Tovi we are working on restraint already because she wants to do and get into everything and frequently we can't let her. Rather than have her throw fits we are talking with her and "explaining" things to her and believe it or not it's working.

I'm frustrated with budget hold-ups at work so I'm pursuing my second career of investing. Mostly I'm just watching things and playing around with numbers of how much $ I feel comfortable starting with and realistically what yield I think I might expect. It would be stupid if I can't do better than CDs or Money Market and not much better if I can't beat a standard index fund. Connor is very bored when I talk about it. So...

In other news somebody has been using my AMEX card for Comcast on demand. I reported it and ordered a new card (new number). I didn't receive it so I called and it had been sent to my "alternate address". MY WHAT!? I have never given an alternate address so WHAT THE F**K! Fortunately the new card had not been activated. AMEX would not tell me what the other address was so I don't know what the connection is. Apparently it's in the same city I'm in but that's the only information I have. I'm annoyed but I'll check back in a week or so and see what information they will give me. Meanwhile I received a new card rush delivery to my correct address.

Lastly, I have started swimming laps again and love it. I will never win any races but I appreciate the workout I get from swimming and it's way kinder on my knees than other workouts. Okay I'm boring myself terribly with this entry. Sorry. I'll think of something more interesting in my next post.

I need wind

2008-03-11T04:48:04Z

If you have ever lived in the "west" than you know the bane of tumbleweeds. They grow like crazy on any patch of dirt available. They grow fast, big and are covered with thorny things. Well I created a huge pile of them in my backyard and I either have to burn them or if we have a nice bout of wind they will blow out of my yard on their own. If it sounds like I'm a rude neighbor I should add the tumble weeds aren't really just blowing into someone elses yard but rather blow through the ranchland or to the river.

Another okay night

2008-03-11T04:41:49Z

Taran had his swim lesson and afterward we split a happy meal at McDonalds. With apple dippers it's okay nutrition wise but I wish Taran didn't relish it so much more than what I fix him at home. Oh well.

Taran is a bit down with a runny nose and cough but more than that he is missing daddy. I made the mistake of mentioning daddy on the drive home and he started acting up. It's funny that I figured it would be easier on him as he got more mature but that's not the case. Being able to explain things to him helps on some levels but on others he's less flexible than he used to be.

Both kids are sleeping soundly and I chatted on the phone with Connor for half a hour and now I guess I will ignore any tidying I might be tempted to do and just go to sleep.

***hmmmm I didn't realize I can't say afterwards but rather I must say afterward with no s. Sigh an English major I am not.

One down, Four to go.

2008-03-10T04:23:38Z

Well both kids are asleep before 9 pm even with daylights saving so I am calling this first night a victory. Taran fell asleep asking what fun things we would do when daddy comes home. That will be a nice message to pass along to Connor. Tovi had one brief almost holding breath incident but I blew on her face to snap her out of it. I hope these "spells" are not going to be common. I can manage them but I don't want them. Mostly she was her typical happy as can be self.

It was a beautiful day and we had lots of playing time outside. I put together a bike for Taran and he rode it happily for awhile before abandoning it for digging in the dirt. I have to laugh at my first attempt at adjusting the training wheels. I put them on "perfectly such that the back wheel barely touched the ground. Taran was pedaling like crazy and getting now where. I fixed it so the back wheel made full contact with the ground.

I'm regretting not keeping a baby book for Taran because I'm remembering things after the fact that would be helpful. Taran took forever to teeth but after the first cut the next 5 came in all at once. Tovi is experiencing the same thing and I feel like a dope for sparingly putting a dab of teething gel on one spot an now I'm seeing whole sections of her gums with tiny new teeth poking out. Sorry little girl. No wonder she's been cranky.

I'm going to go to sleep before I get too distracted. Last night I was researching Mensa for some reason. I've never had an IQ test before and I don't expect that I would be in the top 2% but who knows. The closest to an IQ test for me was probably the logic test of the GRE which I did well on. I was not jumping for joy at my scores when I took it but I nearly aced the logic section and I remember my undergraduate adviser saying he considered that representative of a person's IQ. He was certainly eligible for Mensa so maybe I should let my mind be happy with that. I was talking with Connor about IQ and what people use as gages for it. I'm super lazy when it comes to vocabulary so any tests that factors that to any degree I take a hit. Connor on the other hand is very into detail and thus the absolute appropriate word for every occasion so he does very well in that area. Anyway... I'm comfortable with my level of inteligence and hope to nuture my intellect but I don't need to be a genius. Alright to be on this misc. note.

Holding Breath Spell at 13 months?

2008-03-09T05:44:35Z

Tonight my daughter got so mad she stopped breathing, her lips turned blue and she passed out. Fortunately I was holding her so she's fine but Good Grief!

Tovi was running around the house with a small gerkin pickle in her mouth that Connor had given her. I was concerned about her choking on it and was following her watching for an opportunity to retrieve it. She then popped the whole thing in her mouth and went running across the room and fell. Thankfully she didn't choke but I immediately asked her to spit it out. She did (into my hand) but I think she thought I'd give it right back and when I didn't... she was pissed. I should add we were 10 minutes from bedtime. There were some angry sounds and then Tovi ran back towards the kitchen prepared to scream bloody murder for all she was worth. Her mouth was open and her face was so upset but there was no sound. I picked her up and was talking to her to sooth her when I saw Connor's face go white. I looked at Tovi and her lips were blue and her eyes were glazing over. She went limp in my arms but recovered within 5-10 seconds. She then snuggled into my arms and was pretty still. Connor wanted to hold her and when I handed her to him she squirmed, fussed and then started to cry. I calmed her and then did our normal bedtime routine and she's now asleep.

Holding Breath Spell! Supposedly they peak at 24 months and disappear by five years. 13 months seemed young to me but between 12 and 18 months is when most children start doing it. I'm a big fan of Dr. Greene and his words of wisdom but found Dr. Spocks perspective right on:

"Some babies get so furiously angry when they are frustrated that they cry and then hold their breath and turn blue. When this first happens, it's bound to scare the wits out of the parents. It seldom means anything except that the baby has that kind of temperament. It's often a baby who's unusually happy at other times who has breath-holding spells."

That last bit is Tovi. She's the sweetest little delight, smiling and babbling happily at everything, loves everyone BUT when's she's upset look out. So the spells may end at five but I've got a fun handful way beyond that I'm sure. Worth it, the happy and furious times, I say.

Here we go again...

2008-03-08T04:34:36Z

Connor will be gone again for a stretch, back for Easter, gone for stretch, back, gone for another stretch. Argh! I'm not at all pleased with this schedule. It might very well stomp out my last attempts at ever getting any momentum going with my own career. It may be time to start pondering new ideas for what I want to do. I've been toying with the idea of playing around with investing. The economy sucks right now but when I've tried I've had pretty good luck at making some good calls. I'm curious what I might be able to generate if I put some serious effort to it. I'd never risk much of our assets though so it's not like I'd ever bring in obscene amounts of money but if I could squeeze out enough for minor home projects and family trips that would be groovy.

I'm pretty cautious when it comes to money. I'm not much of a gambler either in part because I'm fearful of getting caught in the 'just one more bet' trap. I've only been to Vegas once and happily came up with a system to play the nickel and quarter slots well enough to pay for my trip. I basically learned the machines near the entrances had a higher payout (so anyone walking by is more likely to see players winning) and I learned how to play each machine so that at any sitting I played until I broke even or came out ahead. I never won much at any given machine but the winnings added up pretty quickly.

Anyway so I'd have to come up with a similar plan for playing the market so I don't risk losing much if I have no knack for it as regular thing. I should add my husband is not thrilled about my interest in all this. He feels pretty strongly about not making money for money's sake. I do understand that and want to keep that in mind. I'm considering giving a percentage of any money I make to charity and also being conscientious of what companies I invest in. It's all just a loose idea right now.

PreK Registration

2008-03-04T06:04:23Z

First thing I'll say is I'm glad it's over with. At least I don't have any stories of having to interview my child for an exclusive program with a five year (ha ha) waiting list. I enrolled Taran this past fall in a preschool coop and I've been very happy with it. It's moderately popular and so it's tricky getting the classes you want. The program director decided on a first-come-first-serve basis so that meant my husband (bless him) was at the registration office this morning at 5 am to stand in line. We were number 7 for a class with 20 spots so we are in. Next fall we have MWF preK from 9-11:30 am.

I have been pretty impressed with the school and Taran's classmates for the most part. One thing I appreciate is that there is equal emphasis on correcting bad behavior and teaching kids how to respond to bad behavior directed at them (bullying). Because Taran's on the small size I was relieved that he can handle himself okay around the more physically aggressive kids in the class.

The academics in the class are not so impressive but honestly I've enrolled Taran in the class to play and socialize so that's okay. We've been teaching Taran some math, writing and reading at home but I haven't been pushing it much. He's interested but only if it's "fun" and I can manage to do that in 10-20 minute windows.

Well I'm exhausted so I'll post more later... good night

Little gummy smile girl

2008-01-29T06:46:16Z

Tovi had her one year check-up on Thursday (her birthday) and there were no signs of any teeth. Just tonight I finally saw evidence of one tiny tooth thinking about making an appearance. Yay, so there is a reason why Tovi has been waking up 5-10 times a night and maybe a hope that she will let me sleep again sometime soon. I like sleeping. I miss sleeping.

Try to keep one resolution... posting

2008-01-06T22:58:13Z

I only have a moment while Tovi is asleep and her dad and brother are out shopping. The laundry and Christmas cards (yes they still aren't sent) can wait. The holidays were pretty exhausting. I loved traveling and seeing my family but I will be relieved when my kids are a wee bit older and I can let them fend for themselves more.

So it's 2008 and I really don't know what to expect. I have a new boss at work that I haven't met yet. I'm going to try to meet with him this week. My previous boss was cool about my work plan but I don't know how this one feels. I've been off/below the radar so far but I'm about plant myself right in front of it now I suspect. That's fine. I have some solid ideas about papers I want to write and I know this boss is keen on everyone publishing more.

My marathon goal is still with me. Connor mentioned one of his goals was to do whatever to support my efforts. Just hearing him say that was a boost. It will be challenging finding the time but I want to. I have to start exploring our tentative plan to do a family stay in Chile. I'd still like to do a month but that's going to take some serious planning. Where to start...

While I don't think I'll blog much about the upcoming election I am gearing up to be more politically active this time around. I am optimistic about the outcome and will try not to grumble about whether mindless morons should have the right to vote. Sorry.

Early New Years Resolution.

2007-12-24T01:22:49Z

Post on a regular basis. I'm getting complaints about my photo blog now too. I will try to be better. It's been typically crazy. I had a single parent stretch of ten days preceded by weeks of colds and now Tovi is recovering from a mild ear infection. I have stacks of Christmas cards to sign let alone write any meaningful message in and I'm not sure if I am done with Christmas shopping. I just did a manic online purchase binge for some family members that I always struggle to come up with ideas for. My fall backs are Harry and David fruit, Chuckar Cherry baskets, Fair trade Divine Chocolate, and Fungi Perfecti mushroom kits. The last one is a favorite... ever grow your own mushrooms in a dark warm corner of your house?

Anyway time to feed the baby, bathe the baby, put the baby to sleep, and then do the same for the toddler when he returns from a pizza outing with Connor. The rest of the evening I will be running around inefficiently cleaning and packing at the same time. Off to the in-laws tomorrow and Michigan on Wednesday.

No more "real" shopping

2007-11-30T05:59:52Z

I do really like Ebay. Maybe I'm looking for excuses to use it but I've grown to hate shopping in stores/malls. I don't really need to buy much with the exception of clothes for my kids. So... I've spent the last two weeks searching for summer clothes for both Taran and Tovi. It's been fun. I'm pretty good at finding what I want (or if I'm honest what I didn't know I wanted until I saw it and then wanted it) and winning it at great deals. In my book it sure beats driving somewhere, dragging my kids around, pouring through racks of clothes, and paying more than I want. Taran went through a phase where he was very picky about what he would wear. It was a nightmare at times. He had only two pairs of corduroy pants, and two tie-dye shirts that he willing to wear from age 22-28 months. Anything else I often had to dress him kicking and squawking. Now he has preferences but only expresses them if I ask him to pick his own clothes out. I can put on him what I want. Tovi is the same way except she often hates to be dressed period. She doesn't squawk she SCREAMS bloody murder. As soon as I have her dressed and release her she is happy and goes back to playing and all is well. Drama! It's amusing. Anyway... so I'm getting package after package and I feel content that I'm ready for spring and summer now. Too bad it's not even December yet huh? Oh well...

Father in-law passed away on tuesday

2007-11-30T05:42:23Z

My father-in-law had been terminally ill for a couple of years and died early tuesday. It's sad for Connor but also a comfort that his father isn't suffering. Monday evening Connor's sister called to say that his vitals were poor and it would be very soon. Connor drove 4 hours in our first winter storm to be with him. He arrived just after midnight and his dad took his last breath around 4 am. Connor and his brother Sean were there together holding vigil. They both felt compelled to focus on their dad's breathing, waiting for his last breath, however, it was at a moment when they weren't paying attention that it happened. They were actually laughing and watching some video of my daughter Tovi on our digital camera at the time. I like to think that their laughter and normal chatter was what he heard and it let him let go peacefully.

My relationship with my father-in-law was most of the time kind of vague. When I met him he was very warm and welcoming. For several years after that things were a bit odd and strained though. I wasn't sure if I was reading things wrong but I often felt like he was playing mind games with me or trying to startle a reaction out of me with comments. I absolutely am not okay with that and so I did the cordial blank stare no reaction back at him anytime it seemed his behavior was going that way. It wasn't fun and certainly not a way to have any healthy connection. It wasn't until his health began failing that things changed. Some of the health issues were related to memory and I think it softened him to forget some of the past. He became very complimentary of me as a wife and mother and often asked how my family was doing. I wish it could have felt simple and comfortable to me then but it was really very confusing. It was much easier to focus on caring about him as my husband's father and my children's grandfather than to try to sort out my own feelings.

It's too soon to know if I will feel regrets... I would hug him and chat warmly when we would visit but I never felt close to him. I am glad he had his family around him so much near the end and two devoted sons at the very end.

Ready to start the marathon training... ouch my toe

2007-11-14T07:49:48Z

Well October 1st was suppose to be my "kick it in gear" start for my marathon training. The morning of October 1st I kicked my toe into the door of a closet. I don't know if I broke it but I've been letting it heal and I'm just now feeling ready to test it out with a run. October was also going to be the month I returned to a regular work schedule of 10 hours a week and... budget problems have erased the funds for the project I was going to work on. So... want to make God laugh? Tell God your plans!